For the longest time, I kept my journey to getting closer to God hidden, shielded by layers of privacy and fear of embarrassment. On the one hand, faith felt too intimate to share, and I wrestled with the belief that faith is to stay private. On the other hand, my shortcomings and struggles seemed more like barriers and reasons to keep silent than bridges to understanding faith. I felt like I could only speak when I had all the answers.

But then it hit me: how foolish of me! Who ever has ALL answers but God?

All we have is glimpses of the Truth. We have the DESIRE and HUNGER for the truth and, the more we see through the cracks of our ignorance, the more we desire the truth and we must share: “I see SOME light, I feel SOME peace.”

And just as I write these words, my thoughts drift to Plato and The Allegory of the Cave. In The Republic, Plato describes prisoners in a cave who mistake shadows for reality. One prisoner escapes and sees the sun (symbolizing the Good), representing the soul’s journey toward enlightenment and truth.

Plato lived centuries before the writing of the New Testament yet the escape from ignorance to knowledge in Plato’s allegory mirrors the Bible’s call to spiritual awakening and moving from darkness to light:

• John 8:12: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
• Ephesians 5:8: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”

Is the pursuit of light, clarity, and purpose a universal aspect of the human journey?

Is there a shared human impulse to move beyond superficial existence and explore the depths of knowledge, meaning, and connection, an inherent desire to pursue truth, wisdom, and transformation?

Three questions made me break out of my shell:

1) What if I never had my grandfather who introduced us to God even when we weren’t listening? What if I never encountered other people who openly talked about their faith? What if I never met those people who mentioned God, however briefly?

2) What if I had never been curious enough to learn more? What if I never dared to ask a million questions? What if I never admitted and challenged the misunderstandings I carried?

3) What if I never share anything from my journey?

The Fallacy of “Faith Is Earned”

One of my biggest errors was to think that faith is earned. After all, much of our life is conditioned to be transactional from the early years: behave, and you get the praise and the love which later moves into work hard, and you’re rewarded; do the wrong thing, and you get punished. As such, the idea of “earning” faith didn’t seem so wrong – it’s like a spiritual version of meritocracy.

But faith, I learned, isn’t a prize to be won – it’s a state to be discovered. Faith isn’t about perfect behavior or spotless records. If anything, faith begins where human effort fails, in the places of confusion, brokenness, and surrender.

The Myth of Being Born With Faith

There were moments when I thought that to experience faith without fear, you have to be somewhat “born” with it, like a natural-born talent. If you didn’t get it right early on, you missed the boat…

But then I learned that faith is available to anyone willing to seek and nurture it. Even seeds of doubt can be fertile ground for deep, authentic faith to grow. The journey isn’t linear; it’s a dynamic relationship. All we need is the desire and curiosity to start asking questions. There are no answers in the absence of questions.

Faith Only Comes Through Great Trials

Yes, it’s true. Hitting the rock bottom brings us back to the essence, back to what matters. The problem is when we want to generalize this idea and make it the norm: you have to hit rock bottom; or,  getting to know the lowest of your low it’s always the wake-up call.

And while it’s true that trials shape and refine us, it’s also true that some only sink deeper and deeper, never finding their way out.

And while it’s true that some forget about the essence while enjoying their abundant life, it’s also true that others use all their resources to deepen their explorations and share the joy, the love and abundance and help other experience the peace that comes when you have faith.

I asked myself:

Is misery a prerequisite for faith, or does faith welcome anyone willing to open their heart?

Could faith grow not because of the suffering itself but because of how we seek meaning within our experiences of pain and joy?

The Misconception: Faith Arrives Fully Formed

This one was probably the most confusing: the idea that once faith is found, it is like a finished product, where faith is a sudden, dramatic epiphany, arriving fully intact and impervious to doubt or change.

And there I was, having faith laced with fear, having faith tangled with doubts, and having faith shadowed by questions. This was the scariest stage in my journey. I questioned myself, I questioned my every step, every perception, every thought, and every action.

Not to mention how this idea of fully formed faith it’s such an incredible trap: not only it is the perfect ground for doubts, but it creates the potential for a dangerous perception of a hierarchy: those who “have it” versus those who are “still searching”, the above and below, the deserving and the less deserving.

I explored, questioned, felt exalted, and failed many times in my searches until I understood that faith isn’t a one-time, perfect event; it’s a process. It grows, evolves, and deepens over time. Faith begins as a seed – a small glimmer of belief or a quiet question – and grows through exploration and seeking. And it never ends. There is no “I have arrived moment.”

There is only one truth: everyone is searching and no two journeys are the same.

But here is the most important thing I have discovered through this journey: I was the ONLY one standing in my own way. I was the block. I was the barrier. Not any external factors, not circumstances, not other people and their opinions or actions. No. Just me. And not because I wanted to. Not because I consciously chose to be a barrier.

Only in hindsight did I connect the dots: my thoughts, my preconceived notions, my fears, my disappointments, and my heartaches – all of them, they formed a filter through which I saw the world and couldn’t see God. I had to deconstruct this filter piece by piece; I had to identify my assumptions, heartaches, and longings. I had to understand, clarify, and heal them one by one. Have I reached the end? No. I am simply a work in progress.

But with every step I took, every solved puzzle, I got closer to God, and I grew in my faith. I experienced moments of peace more often. They started to last longer. The constant questioning turned into curious, hungry explorations. A fearful, hardened heart turned into an open heart that has more love than fear.

I started from, what I now understand it was, the stage of wanting to believe there is God, through hoping there is God, to knowing there is God. It’s not an intellectual knowing. It’s an intrinsic knowing I wish I could explain. But, I guess, this is exactly it: faith is a state to be discovered. Once discovered, it holds the answer to all questions, which answers are revealed gradually as we are ready to learn and able to handle the truth.

Shared with Love,
Gabriela

I don’t even pretend I KNOW. I write from my experience and from my heart hoping that what I have to share will be the support someone needs on their journey. I reserve the right to be wrong and change my mind as I grow in my own understanding.

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